Focus On Me

My wife has a t-shirt that literally says “Focus On Me.” Straight, to the point, simple. Welcome to my world. I love the message because it demands an outcome that is valuable to her, and ultimately to me.

There is lots of talk these days about the servant leadership model. The benevolent leader. The one who cares more about others than themself. It’s an honorable, important perspective and a needed one.  

Can it always be good though, if leaders don’t focus on “me” once in a while? Or more often than once in a while? You’ve heard the ridiculous old business cliche “There is no I in team.” However there is a ME. Self-care is not being selfish and it needs to span multiple sectors of one’s life. If we think of our life as a wheel with many sections, each section must match the others to create the smoothest journey. Self-care can be applied to every section: your significant other, family, friends, career, finance, health and well-being, where you live and what you do for fun and recreation.

If you as a leader are wrung out in any or many of the sections in your life’s wheel, it will show up in how you show up. This is the popular idea of a balanced life. I have an old coaching friend and mentor who was the leader in fighting the idea of work-life balance. He would loudly proclaim to anyone who listened that it was backwards. It’s not about work-life balance, it’s about life-work balance! Who put work first here? Answer: people who need workers. Eventually he honed in on the importance of a life’s rhythm. And therein lies the secret: just how rhythmic is your life right now? And as a leader, how do you think the challenges of your life are affecting your team?

A recent study examining whether self-care makes you a better leader found self-caring leaders report more staff care than those low on self-care. Accordingly, their employees perceive higher staff care and report lower strain and better health. You, dear leader, are the example set for others to emulate. That’s a lot of responsibility that many leaders don’t consider, or, over time, forget they have this deeper role in other’s performance.

When I was a Resident Assistant in college, one of my first leaders (bosses) was a priest and also an executive at the school. He had a saying; “As the staff goes, so goes the dorm.” Meaning, if the staff was exhibiting solid self care as individuals and a group, it was reflected in the behavior of the dorm’s residents. At first I was skeptical since I was 20 years old and well, at a minimum, a skeptic or just a resistant pain in the ass. Then I would look at the dorm’s community and see how it was really true. When we were getting along as a leadership team, eating right, studying, exercising individually and together, we were generally laughing and connected to each other. The dorm would perform quite similarly. Then there were times when tensions ran higher and we were sick of each other, that would be reflected in the dorm too. More drunken night hijinx, fights, vandalism. That’s when our director, the priest, would step in and knock us back into our lane. Within a week you could see the shift back to a more enjoyable living arrangement for these few hundred freshman men. (This was a Catholic university in the 80s so segregated dorms were the norm)

The way you live and the way you show up really is noticeable to all, and leaders have a duty to themselves to live the best rhythmic life possible. Think about the last time you were with your team and everyone was jazzed to be working with you and the organization. What was your life like at that moment? Were you eating and sleeping well? Were you in good physical shape?  How were things at home? Were you in love with your significant other? What about your spiritual journey; were you going to church, praying and talking to God? Any and all of these things make a difference in your life when they are working together and balanced. When even one of these goes south, it’s like a chunk off your front tire. You feel it at every turn, regardless of speed.

Many clients come to me with time management issues which are really symptoms of what’s missing or going wrong in a section or sections of life. Sometimes it really is just a miss on thinking and doing what’s truly important versus what’s easy or convenient. Many many times it’s about something much deeper. Something is getting in the way of us leading our best lives. You see, we are all leaders whether we have direct reports or not. All sections of our life require attention and awareness so when we are out of rhythm, we recognize it and address it quickly. Again, it’s about the rhythm of life! We lead our lives, and some of us lead others’ lives too. If we are doing poorly with our own life, it will affect the performance of those around us.

The next time things are going well, take a minute to:

1. Take inventory of your life’s rhythm. What’s going well in each section of your life’s wheel? And, why?
2. Exercise gratitude. Life is hard, the rules for a great life’s rhythm are truly simple.
3. Reflect on how those around you are doing when things are going well with you. Those important players at work and home, how do you see them at this moment?

Here’s the shift: When you pay attention to yourself and things are going well, recognize it so you can continue with those habits and strategies that perpetuate the forward movement. We humans love to focus on what’s going wrong and try to correct it instead of noticing what’s going right and trying to repeat it! (This is the secret to effective servant leadership.) Focusing on the negative observation is truly a whole other t-shirt. One that no hippo is interested in wearing. Besides, does a XXXXXXXXXXL size even exist?

In the end, you will be and do what you want. And, then ask, does it move you forward? Check out my latest thoughts in a completely different format that merges Christian and other spiritual thinking with my own ideas. I call it “Spiritual Hippo.” Let me know what you think…