How’s Your Couch (#coach) Treating You?

Detail of a luxurious brown leather sofa

Yep, I’m calling you out!  You, you know who you are — the one who said this year will be different from last year.  That you were going to show up bigger, better and brighter than before. And, that was 2019.  Tick tock, tick tock. Newsflash, it’s 2020. How did it all work out for you? What does this year look like now that you accomplished all that shifting and changing and getting unstuck?

Or, is the needle dropping on yet another broken record?  (for those that remember LPs and turntables). And the important question, what are you doing about that same old tired song?  I’m guessing there are a lot of us out there still lounging about, a month and a half into this year — on the couch lamenting about another year to make resolutions, about resolving things that we haven’t been so resolute about.  How’s the couch feeling? Cozy and warm and SAFE!  Don’t get up, it’s nice there.  And so says our favorite friend, confident and protector: the Saboteur.

Many times you’ve heard me mention — either here in my blogs or via my videos at the Hippocampus — about how ancient wiring prevents us from stepping into risk.  This wiring, held together in part by the Saboteur, keeps us from moving forward because it has our best intentions in mind.  Way back when we were roaming the savannah with our clan, we basically had two goals: find stuff to eat and avoid being eaten.  How’s that for clarity? Now, we are a modern society, living a nuanced life, and looking at things in many ways,, yet our wiring is still here, ever vigilant to protect us from either starvation or becoming someone else’s answer to starvation. Enter the Saboteur. It eloquently whispers in our ear that movement forward is uncertain, unsafe, unkind!  Don’t do it! Stay at home and live with your parents!

This is what we must overcome to make the all important decision to …invest in ourselves!!

In my experience as a co-active coach, the #1 obstacle to investing in ourselves is the investing part.  It takes courage and commitment financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically (aka time) to step into a coaching experience.  We have been taught to be self-less in our role as spouse, parent, sibling, manager, employee and volunteer, and that everyone else comes first in our lives (except for the occasional sociopath, and that’s for the therapists and counselors to work out!) To consider ourselves first is verboten! And yet, those closest to us demand more from us, they want us to be our very best selves, to show up ready for anything and everything; and whether we succeed or fail, they trust us because they love us and know we are at our very best.  So, this is what I want for you this year: to invest in yourself.

What’s the next step?

  1. Visualize perspectives.  Where are you now? What does that perspective look and feel like?  Now, visualize another perspective. One that seems like a stretch and is exciting and new.  And finally, create another perspective that is WAY OUT there. What’s it like when you’re standing in that space?  Exciting? Takes your breath away?

  2. Visit each perspective again (including your present one) and see and feel which one resonates with you.  Now choose that perspective! Hint: Choosing your current perspective will NOT move you forward…

  3. Yes and No.  What will you say ‘Yes’ to with your chosen perspective?  What will you say ‘No’ to? Be clear and determined here. Yes and No are not just about doing stuff.  They’re also about how you will be during your journey. (Ex. I will say ‘Yes’ to being on time. I will say ‘No’ to being anxious.)

  4. Jump that broom!  Time to commit to this new perspective, recognizing that this first step is, in and of itself, a step forward.  This is the very hardest part: to say ‘Yes’ to you and ‘No’ to your Saboteur. (Hint: Include your spouse or significant other for total support!).

  5. Create a plan.  This includes reading, online or in-person classes, webinars, seminars, and selecting a 1:1 coach.  What do you want for yourself? What do you want to achieve? Overcome? Combining these different platforms into a personal and professional development experience for yourself can only move you forward.  Being in a learning mode is being in a growth mode.

Stay present.  Enter this new journey in the most curious state of mind and body you can muster.  Be here. Do here. Co-Active model coaching focuses on both the being (Co) and doing (Active) in every movement we make.  One cannot exist without the other to provide maximum impact.  You got this! Select an ICF credentialed coach as your witness and accountability partner to help get your motor running.  It’s worth it; besides, someone has to hold the flashlight when it turns out you need to change a wheel!

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